“I don’t deserve to have….”
“If only they knew what I’m really like, they wouldn’t like (admire, trust)
“I’ll be all alone if I succeed in….”
“I never get what I want.”
Are you drowning in a sea of limiting beliefs? Beliefs such as the ones
listed above? Perhaps some of the above or similar thoughts flit through
your mind every so often—but you don’t really admit to them. If you want
change and more choices in life then you will need to change your beliefs
and your behavior. “If you do what you always did, you get what you always
Your beliefs influence and mold your behavior and yet many people have
some limiting beliefs that stop them from achieving their goals. Beliefs
are views about yourself, others and the world that determine the decisions
you take and the way you behave in everyday situations. The person with
the most flexibility in thinking and behavior has the best chance of succeeding.
Ron came for therapy because he could not sustain a nurturing relationship.
Women were always taking advantage of him and his good nature. He was the
person who always gave and he received very little. We worked together using
NLP and he recounted some childhood experiences where he always entertained
the other children in elementary school. He would get them laughing by being
the class clown. At that time, he began to believe that people would only
accept him for what he could give them. As we continued with some ego-strengthening
exercises, he realized that he could change his belief system. “I am worthwhile!
I do deserve to have a really good relationship!” His voice and posture changed.
He was able to change his beliefs—and now believed that he was worthy and
deserved a good relationship. Soon afterwards he started a new relationship
that was mutually nurturing.
How do you know if you have limiting beliefs? Sometimes people know,
but most of the time these beliefs are unconscious. If you have a goal or
a dream and you have tried unsuccessfully for a long time to achieve it,
you may be stopped by a limiting belief. A trained counselor can hear you
state a limiting belief—even though you are surprised that you said it. People
do say their beliefs out loud and often are unaware that they have actually
Beliefs are a self-fulfilling prophecy! There are beliefs of excellence—beliefs
that empower you to act and behave in a way that releases your potential
and allows you to express the real you. Successful people succeed because
they believe they can.
What would you be like if you believed….
“I deserve the best!”
“I can succeed in my dreams!”
“When I succeed, I’ll have close relationships with
other successful people.”
The magic of NLP is that you can change your beliefs. With NLP, you can
build your own set of beliefs to support the way you want to be. Instead
of drowning in a sea of limiting beliefs, you can choose to soar with the
For more information about Sheila Henry, Marriage and Family Therapist,
Sheila Henry, MFT